Down Cemetery Road: The Bloody Brilliant Show That’s Ruining My Week

Every now and then, a television show comes along that grabs you by the eyeballs and refuses to let go. Down Cemetery Road is that show. It’s smart, it’s moody, and it’s got enough twists to make a corkscrew dizzy.

Based on Mick Herron’s novel, yes, the bloke behind Slow Horses, the show about alcoholic spies and terrible life choices, Down Cemetery Road swaps espionage for suburban secrets. There’s a house explosion, a missing girl, and more lies per minute than a politician in election season.

Ruth Wilson plays Sarah Tucker, a woman whose curiosity is roughly the size of Jupiter. Emma Thompson, meanwhile, plays Zoë Boehm, a private investigator with the kind of haunted stare that suggests she’s seen things no one should ever Google. Together, they wander around Oxford digging up enough dirt to fill a quarry.

And it’s brilliant. The writing is sharp, the acting flawless, and the whole thing hums with that slow, creeping dread the British do so well, the sort that makes you feel slightly cold even though you’re watching it under a blanket with tea.

But here’s the problem. The only shame, the only crime, is that I have to wait an entire bloody week for each new episode. A week. In 2025. This is barbaric.

What am I supposed to do in the meantime? Talk to my family? Read a book? Go outside? Don’t be ridiculous. Every time an episode ends, I sit there, staring at the credits like a lost Labrador, wondering why the universe insists on torturing me.

It’s like giving someone a pint of cold beer on a summer’s day and then snatching it away after one sip. Yes, I’ll be back next week. Of course I will. Because Down Cemetery Road isn’t just good, it’s dangerously addictive.

The story, the pacing, the sheer quality of the performances, it’s the kind of television that makes you forgive whoever’s responsible for their streaming servers. If this is the future of crime drama, then plug it directly into my veins.

Still, if the producers are reading this, I have one small request. Next time, release the whole lot at once. Otherwise, don’t be surprised if you find me lurking outside your editing suite with a sleeping bag and a flask of coffee, muttering “just one more episode” like a man possessed.

Verdict
Five stars. Slick, dark, funny, and absolutely gripping. The only thing wrong with Down Cemetery Road is that it ends every week before I’m ready to breathe again.