Unconditional Love

 Today, I know I'm different, but back then, during my childhood, no one knew, and no one could have known, given the mystery that still surrounds this condition.

My home was sometimes filled with noise. I was scolded and often hit for my quirks, especially by my mother, and the neighbor's children, who teased me endlessly. "Don't rock back and forth, or they'll notice you're strange!" "Don't talk to yourself, or they'll think you're crazy!" These were my mother's words, yelled when I was seven years old. "...they'll think you're crazy!"

My grandmother's house, on the other hand, was filled with silence. The city noises were pleasantly distant and muffled. The TV and radio were always turned off. My grandmother was a quiet person. But more than anything else, she was a very gentle, sensitive, kind, and wise woman. Anything she said was the distillation of a lifetime spent bringing people together and doing everything she could for her family's happiness. Intelligent and keenly observant of people's hearts, she put this sensitivity to their service.

I was at peace at her home, like nowhere else. My quirks were not a problem. Talking to myself. Rocking back and forth. Walking back and forth or in circles, completely lost in my fantasies, my thoughts, and my vast inner world. Remaining absorbed for hours in reading. Because in the magic world of books, I was accepted. I was free to explore a thousand things piled up in an orderly manner over decades of family life and to use them as I pleased. I peeked at books and car magazines from the '60s, played with carbon paper, drew, or invented games with whatever was around. My grandma used to always sit on the same side of the sofa, and I was on the other. Her voice was always calm, her words simple and clear, and I loved falling asleep leaning on her arms. I spent hours listening, laughing at all the funniest family anecdotes, and it's heartwarming to think today about how much care she took, avoiding the many others who fell into the category of real drama. I knew I was loved with a strong, gentle, and deep love.

thank you, Grandma, for all that you have given me. It has been such a long time and still, I miss  the moments when I felt accepted for who I am.